Little Bits of Change

I hate looking at anything wedding or baby related because no matter how hard I try to not do it, Kevin is the first thing that comes to mind. I know I need to stop thinking of him every time I find a love quote but I can't help it. I do love him and the quotes do describe my feelings for him. It sucks to have to be somewhat embarrassed of how I feel when I see the pictures and have to scold myself for thinking of him. But I don't know how to stop thinking like that. These are the same pictures I looked at when I was planning my life with him. I can't imagine anything different now that my life has changed. He is who I am love with. How does someone change that?

I went through my wedding attire that has been in my mothers closet since I bought it. My closet had been filled with both Kevin and I's stuff so she said I could put the clothes I got in her closet and the craft kind of stuff in the closet in the living room. I have a box that I have put little knick knacks in all our relationship, so I decided that I wanted to put certain things in the box. It is I guess what people call a memory box. Little trinkets from over the years, pictures of us, random little stuffed toys that he won for me, etc.  So out of her closet I took my jewelry, the Cowboys garter, my shoes, and the jacket with Mrs. Ellis on it. I put all of that in the box. I can not put it anywhere else right now. I needed it in the box where it was there if I needed it but still somewhere out of my everyday sight. That box is very important to me so I have all the stuff from him I need in it. It hurt so badly putting the stuff in there. I kept thinking how I was so sure I would be wearing all of this in two months. And I am not. I won't be. And that brings tears to my eyes. The dress is still in her closet because I have no idea what my plan with it is. I can't have it hanging in my closet. That is too big and I will have to look at it every time I go in there. As for the craft closet, I will deal with that another day.