How far along: 17 weeks(size of an onion)
Total weight gain: 5 pounds
Maternity clothes: I went to a maternity store and my mom bought me a new dress and shirt so I had something comfortable to wear to work without having to wear a heavy jacket all the time.
Stretch marks: I swear I saw a new one but I can't be sure it wasn't there before.
Sleep: Sleep has been pretty off and on but it could be because of all the stress in the past week.
Best moment of this week: Honestly this week has been so stressful, I have trouble finding a good moment.
Miss anything: J. *sigh*
Movement: Baby has not been moving as much as I would hope. I don't know if I am just so overwhelmed that I am not noticing. I am trying to not stress about it but..it is hard.
Food cravings: Not really anything.
Anything making you queasy or sick: No sickness has been pretty good.
Have you started to show yet: Definitely. I think I am in that inbetween stage where people can't tell if I am pregnant or fat.
Gender: I am so excited to finally know soon.
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck still.
Happy or moody most of the time: Sad but not because of the baby. In fact, the baby is my source of joy in this dark time.
Looking forward to: Knowing the baby is alright at my appointment on the 7th.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Just Pray
This baby has been the joy that gets me through the day. This baby gives me something to look forward to in a world of unknowns. But the fear is horrible. I have always had worry for this baby. Of course I would, it is my child and I want the best. But ever since J passed, my fear is the worst it has ever been. There was a day where baby was moving all over the place and I loved it. Today, I have maybe felt baby move once or twice. If I was logical, I would tell myself that I was only supposed to start possibly feeling movement this week and that I do not need to worry just because baby is not flipping all over the place. But the fear outweighs the logical in my mind.
Did I hurt the baby when I sat with Kevin while I was telling him the news in the hospital?
Am I going to lose the biggest piece of my joy?
How do I ever know things will be alright if everything can be pulled out from under me in an instance.
Kevin got told yesterday that the job he was working on is now over and so he is now without a job. We had a great plan and he was willing to do what he needed to do to take care of his family, and now it is gone. Just another thing that has been thrown at us. I just am so emotionally exhausted. There is so much stress around me that when something like the baby not moving literally makes me want to start shaking my stomach and saying, "Come on baby, move, come on!" But I know that would A. stress the baby out. B. Accomplish nothing and then make me even more upset. So I just pray. That is all I can do about anything. Pray everything works out. Pray that baby cub is fine. Pray that this whole nightmare will be over soon.
Did I hurt the baby when I sat with Kevin while I was telling him the news in the hospital?
Am I going to lose the biggest piece of my joy?
How do I ever know things will be alright if everything can be pulled out from under me in an instance.
Kevin got told yesterday that the job he was working on is now over and so he is now without a job. We had a great plan and he was willing to do what he needed to do to take care of his family, and now it is gone. Just another thing that has been thrown at us. I just am so emotionally exhausted. There is so much stress around me that when something like the baby not moving literally makes me want to start shaking my stomach and saying, "Come on baby, move, come on!" But I know that would A. stress the baby out. B. Accomplish nothing and then make me even more upset. So I just pray. That is all I can do about anything. Pray everything works out. Pray that baby cub is fine. Pray that this whole nightmare will be over soon.
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
A Hard Week
I guess the easiest way to work through this is to start from Friday. Not that Friday is really important at all but it is the only way to work through what I have to describe. So Friday I went to the ER because my finger became infected. It hurt really badly and I did not want any infection to hurt the baby. So my mother and I went to the ER to get it fixed. Simple fix by cutting the finger and letting it drain. So I was bandaged up and sent home. I went back to Mom and J's house where Kevin was sleeping for work the next morning. Saturday morning Kevin had a hard time waking up and I could tell he was not feeling well, but he got up eventually and took Mom's car to work. The vehicle he usually drives was broken so he had been using Mom's car. I went down stairs when I was ready for work and J said he wasn't feeling well either. I made the comment that something was going around because both guys were not feeling well. J took me to work though and I
went about my day. After work my mom picked me up and told me Kevin was at their house really sick so we had to pick up some medicine and a thermometor and stuff like that. I had been prescribed antibiotics so we just picked it all up at the same time. So I got back to the house and Kevin was burning up and could barely talk.
J had been having trouble with his blood pressure rising and dropping and he was getting dizzy so both of them stayed on the couch until it was time for bed. Everyone went to bed and Kevin had a really restless night getting up every hour or so and barely sleeping when he was in bed. The next morning he was having chest pains and we decided to take him to the ER to make sure he was alright. I told mom and Kevin went downstairs and told J and we left. We got there around noon and he was admitted around 9 that night. Mom played the "mom card" and said that after Kevin was settled in his room and I felt comfortable leaving him, that I needed to come home and eat something and rest. So when he was in his room and I got him a snack, I tearfully left. Mix pregnancy hormones with leaving the love of my life in a hospital bed when my mother had just been in one almost a year before, and I was not happy to be leaving without him. But I told myself he was in good
hands and went back to the house. I came in the house and J was on the couch talking to his son's girlfriend. I said hello and went to make something to eat. J said he was still not feeling good and that his blood pressure was being really wacky and I said he should get checked out too. He said he was going to the doctor the next day and he turned off the stuff in the living room and went upstairs to bed. My mom came down a few minutes later and I got really emotional because I was tired of people I love ending up in the hospital. I told her I just wanted everyone to stay alright. She said she understand why I was upset and went upstairs to sleep also. I had a really bad night alone in the bed but told myself in the morning I would see Kevin again and everything would be alright. So I woke up Monday morning at 8am and went downstairs to eat a bagel because I had promised Kevin I would eat before I went to see him.
So I drove to the hospital and went into his room to see him. I did not get to stay very long because he told me the nurse said the material they were using for his testing could be harmful to the baby. I could not stop crying. I told him I just had a really bad feeling and could not stop myself from crying. He said he would be alright and not to worry. I told him I just can not stop crying for some reason and literally said, "Today is a bad day." He asked why and I said I didn't know. Finally I was able to walk out of the room and told him we would talk on Facebook when I got home and we would talk all day until I could come back. I left the hospital and started driving back to their house. I got about halfway there when my phone rings. Normally I do not answer my phone while driving. I have never wanted to start that habit. But for some reason, this time I did. As soon as I said hello, my mothers voice came on the line and asked me if I was still at
the hospital. I said no and she told me J was being taken to the ER and I told her I would turn around and meet her there. I had the thought that both guys would be admitted and me and mom would hang out together between the two rooms. I got the ER and she wasn't there yet so I went to the cafeteria to get a soda and some chips.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the ER and I have the memory of hearing an ambulance. I knew that was him and expected my mother to walk through the door soon. Within minutes J's father came running in so fast that the security officer ran over to him like he was about to beat the entire place up or something. J's mother came shortly after. I got a sinking feeling when they did not immediately let them go back. Mom, J's son, and the son's girlfriend came in shortly after. They were all over in the corner for a couple minutes talking to the check in lady. I saw J's father stand up and yell, "Chaplain my ass!" as a man in a white coat walked over and told them to come with him. As soon as I heard the title, my heart stopped. Wasn't that like...a pastor? I replayed any Greys Anatomy episode I could think of. What did Chaplain's do? I already knew the answer before I wanted to admit it. We walked around the back of the hallways and came to a room. As
soon as mom saw the door she started screaming and backing away. My mom works at a hospital, she knew that room. The staff eventually got everyone in the room and told us the doctor would be in shortly. Everyone was in tears. The doctor did not need to tell anyone. Except me. I sat there in shock and confusion. What the hell had happened? I had not been told anything earlier by mom except he had passed out. The next few moments in my mind can be summed up if you have ever seen the Selena movie. The doctor walked in and told us they had done everything they could but J had not made it.
I sat there while everyone started crying loudly and cursing. I had no idea what had happened. I thought he was supposed to be at the doctor right now? What happened? I just sat there staring at a water bottle they had brought. Just staring and thinking.."what?". J's dad stormed out of the room and apparently took the truck he came in and dissapeared for an hour or two. Everyone else sat there crying until they were told they could go see J. When mom went back there, I knew what I had to do. I told everyone where I was going and walked upstairs. In the elevator I could feel people staring at me so I can only imagine the look on my face. I truly did not care in that moment. I just stared forward. Once I got to Kevin's room, I stopped at the door and took a deep breath. He was sleeping when I walked in so I just sat on the bed and stared out the window. That is when the tears started rolling uncontrollably. Kevin woke up and asked me what was wrong but I
just shook my head so he kept asking. I looked at him and did the best I could to tell him what was happening. His eyes filled up with tears and he said he wanted to go home. Unfortunately he did not end up getting released until that night around 8. His diagnosis was basically that he was working himself too hard(staying up late, not sleeping enough, not drinking enough water, etc) and that his heart is not as good as it should be for his age. He knew his heart was not the best so now he just has to constantly be aware of what could happen and not let himself become unhealthy. If not, the doctor said he runs the risk of a future heart attack that he may not survive. Mom came in shortly after and we decided to go home. We ended up going over to J's parents house with everyone else because no one wanted to be alone.
The past few days have been overwhelming and horrible. After everyone was together the story became known about what happened. The days leading up to it, J had told mom and his mother that he did not feel well and they both said he needed to go to the ER. He said he would be fine and would go to the doctor. He told his mom he had chest pain and a blood pressure of extremely high but did not tell my mom, we are thinking because he knew she would make him go the hospital. So that morning, he got out of bed with mom and fell on the ground. She called 911 and rushed to him but having medical experience she knew he was gone soon after. She still attempted cpr because she said she had to be doing something, but she knew it was not doing anything for him. I told her to be so thankful that he was not alone and she was the last thing he saw. The EMT's came in and tried their best but...it was too late. They took him to the ER to make it official. It is assumed
that due to a doctors error with his medication, that he had a massive heart attack. Everyone is dealing with the pain the their own way. Some are using aggression and anger. Some are using tears. Some are trying to surround themselves with friends. And some are surrounding themselves with anything that reminds them of him and trying to keep to themselves.
Mom is dealing with the pain of losing the man she was going to marry next April. She feels lost and hopeless and misses him so much. It hurts me so much to watch her so sad. I want to fix this and make it better but I can't. If I could, I would bring J back in a heartbeat but life does not work like that and it really sucks.
Kevin is dealing with the fact that he never got to say goodbye. Nobody really did but the last time he saw J was when he was rushing out the door to the ER and did not have any idea that he would never see J again. That is really hurting him. Also the scary feeling that it could have been him if he had not gone to the ER.
I am dealing, well I do not know how I am dealing. I have always had this way of coping that I have to take care of others. I can cry later, I need to be strong for them now. I usually am fine but sometimes I just start tearing up. Especially at night when my mind can wander.I miss him so much and it breaks my heart that I am never going to see him sitting in his chair watching tv or see his truck when he picks me up from work. I feel like I never truly told him how much he meant to me and how much I appreciate everything he did.
My brothers were here last weekend so I am thankful they were able to have a great weekend with him at the St. Patricks Day parade\carnival. They will find out in two weeks which I am dreading. It is going to break their hearts also. And that same weekend was when we were going to celebrate N's birthday.
J may have been around for a short time, but he changed my family's life forever. He showed us that there are great men who are willing to accept a family and make it his. He was so excited for baby cub and was going to make an incredible grandpa. But I believe in my heart he is up there watching over us and will be this child's guardian angel.
went about my day. After work my mom picked me up and told me Kevin was at their house really sick so we had to pick up some medicine and a thermometor and stuff like that. I had been prescribed antibiotics so we just picked it all up at the same time. So I got back to the house and Kevin was burning up and could barely talk.
J had been having trouble with his blood pressure rising and dropping and he was getting dizzy so both of them stayed on the couch until it was time for bed. Everyone went to bed and Kevin had a really restless night getting up every hour or so and barely sleeping when he was in bed. The next morning he was having chest pains and we decided to take him to the ER to make sure he was alright. I told mom and Kevin went downstairs and told J and we left. We got there around noon and he was admitted around 9 that night. Mom played the "mom card" and said that after Kevin was settled in his room and I felt comfortable leaving him, that I needed to come home and eat something and rest. So when he was in his room and I got him a snack, I tearfully left. Mix pregnancy hormones with leaving the love of my life in a hospital bed when my mother had just been in one almost a year before, and I was not happy to be leaving without him. But I told myself he was in good
hands and went back to the house. I came in the house and J was on the couch talking to his son's girlfriend. I said hello and went to make something to eat. J said he was still not feeling good and that his blood pressure was being really wacky and I said he should get checked out too. He said he was going to the doctor the next day and he turned off the stuff in the living room and went upstairs to bed. My mom came down a few minutes later and I got really emotional because I was tired of people I love ending up in the hospital. I told her I just wanted everyone to stay alright. She said she understand why I was upset and went upstairs to sleep also. I had a really bad night alone in the bed but told myself in the morning I would see Kevin again and everything would be alright. So I woke up Monday morning at 8am and went downstairs to eat a bagel because I had promised Kevin I would eat before I went to see him.
So I drove to the hospital and went into his room to see him. I did not get to stay very long because he told me the nurse said the material they were using for his testing could be harmful to the baby. I could not stop crying. I told him I just had a really bad feeling and could not stop myself from crying. He said he would be alright and not to worry. I told him I just can not stop crying for some reason and literally said, "Today is a bad day." He asked why and I said I didn't know. Finally I was able to walk out of the room and told him we would talk on Facebook when I got home and we would talk all day until I could come back. I left the hospital and started driving back to their house. I got about halfway there when my phone rings. Normally I do not answer my phone while driving. I have never wanted to start that habit. But for some reason, this time I did. As soon as I said hello, my mothers voice came on the line and asked me if I was still at
the hospital. I said no and she told me J was being taken to the ER and I told her I would turn around and meet her there. I had the thought that both guys would be admitted and me and mom would hang out together between the two rooms. I got the ER and she wasn't there yet so I went to the cafeteria to get a soda and some chips.
I was sitting in the waiting room of the ER and I have the memory of hearing an ambulance. I knew that was him and expected my mother to walk through the door soon. Within minutes J's father came running in so fast that the security officer ran over to him like he was about to beat the entire place up or something. J's mother came shortly after. I got a sinking feeling when they did not immediately let them go back. Mom, J's son, and the son's girlfriend came in shortly after. They were all over in the corner for a couple minutes talking to the check in lady. I saw J's father stand up and yell, "Chaplain my ass!" as a man in a white coat walked over and told them to come with him. As soon as I heard the title, my heart stopped. Wasn't that like...a pastor? I replayed any Greys Anatomy episode I could think of. What did Chaplain's do? I already knew the answer before I wanted to admit it. We walked around the back of the hallways and came to a room. As
soon as mom saw the door she started screaming and backing away. My mom works at a hospital, she knew that room. The staff eventually got everyone in the room and told us the doctor would be in shortly. Everyone was in tears. The doctor did not need to tell anyone. Except me. I sat there in shock and confusion. What the hell had happened? I had not been told anything earlier by mom except he had passed out. The next few moments in my mind can be summed up if you have ever seen the Selena movie. The doctor walked in and told us they had done everything they could but J had not made it.
I sat there while everyone started crying loudly and cursing. I had no idea what had happened. I thought he was supposed to be at the doctor right now? What happened? I just sat there staring at a water bottle they had brought. Just staring and thinking.."what?". J's dad stormed out of the room and apparently took the truck he came in and dissapeared for an hour or two. Everyone else sat there crying until they were told they could go see J. When mom went back there, I knew what I had to do. I told everyone where I was going and walked upstairs. In the elevator I could feel people staring at me so I can only imagine the look on my face. I truly did not care in that moment. I just stared forward. Once I got to Kevin's room, I stopped at the door and took a deep breath. He was sleeping when I walked in so I just sat on the bed and stared out the window. That is when the tears started rolling uncontrollably. Kevin woke up and asked me what was wrong but I
just shook my head so he kept asking. I looked at him and did the best I could to tell him what was happening. His eyes filled up with tears and he said he wanted to go home. Unfortunately he did not end up getting released until that night around 8. His diagnosis was basically that he was working himself too hard(staying up late, not sleeping enough, not drinking enough water, etc) and that his heart is not as good as it should be for his age. He knew his heart was not the best so now he just has to constantly be aware of what could happen and not let himself become unhealthy. If not, the doctor said he runs the risk of a future heart attack that he may not survive. Mom came in shortly after and we decided to go home. We ended up going over to J's parents house with everyone else because no one wanted to be alone.
The past few days have been overwhelming and horrible. After everyone was together the story became known about what happened. The days leading up to it, J had told mom and his mother that he did not feel well and they both said he needed to go to the ER. He said he would be fine and would go to the doctor. He told his mom he had chest pain and a blood pressure of extremely high but did not tell my mom, we are thinking because he knew she would make him go the hospital. So that morning, he got out of bed with mom and fell on the ground. She called 911 and rushed to him but having medical experience she knew he was gone soon after. She still attempted cpr because she said she had to be doing something, but she knew it was not doing anything for him. I told her to be so thankful that he was not alone and she was the last thing he saw. The EMT's came in and tried their best but...it was too late. They took him to the ER to make it official. It is assumed
that due to a doctors error with his medication, that he had a massive heart attack. Everyone is dealing with the pain the their own way. Some are using aggression and anger. Some are using tears. Some are trying to surround themselves with friends. And some are surrounding themselves with anything that reminds them of him and trying to keep to themselves.
Mom is dealing with the pain of losing the man she was going to marry next April. She feels lost and hopeless and misses him so much. It hurts me so much to watch her so sad. I want to fix this and make it better but I can't. If I could, I would bring J back in a heartbeat but life does not work like that and it really sucks.
Kevin is dealing with the fact that he never got to say goodbye. Nobody really did but the last time he saw J was when he was rushing out the door to the ER and did not have any idea that he would never see J again. That is really hurting him. Also the scary feeling that it could have been him if he had not gone to the ER.
I am dealing, well I do not know how I am dealing. I have always had this way of coping that I have to take care of others. I can cry later, I need to be strong for them now. I usually am fine but sometimes I just start tearing up. Especially at night when my mind can wander.I miss him so much and it breaks my heart that I am never going to see him sitting in his chair watching tv or see his truck when he picks me up from work. I feel like I never truly told him how much he meant to me and how much I appreciate everything he did.
My brothers were here last weekend so I am thankful they were able to have a great weekend with him at the St. Patricks Day parade\carnival. They will find out in two weeks which I am dreading. It is going to break their hearts also. And that same weekend was when we were going to celebrate N's birthday.
J may have been around for a short time, but he changed my family's life forever. He showed us that there are great men who are willing to accept a family and make it his. He was so excited for baby cub and was going to make an incredible grandpa. But I believe in my heart he is up there watching over us and will be this child's guardian angel.
16 Week Update
There will be no weekly update this week. The reason why will be in my next post. I just have to find the strength to write it.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
15 Week Update
How far along: 15 weeks(size of an apple)
Total weight gain: Funny story this week. I was talking to my mother about how I kept gaining weight but was not eating that much. She suggested I could be retaining water and to watch my salt and put my feet up as much as possible. So I did that up until when I got weighed on Monday. My new weight...188. So comparing my starting weight with this new number I have only gained about 4\5 pounds. My doctor thought I was starving myself but I truly think it was just me needing to literally put my feet up and relax. So we will see how my weight looks at the next appointment.
Maternity clothes: I ordered a shirt for work because I have to wear sleeves and I have this stupid habit of buying sleeveless shirts and then having to wear a jacket. With summer coming, it will be too hot for me to be wearing a jacket. So I bought a shirt with short sleeves and I will wear that as soon as I recieve it in the mail.
Stretch marks: None yet.
Sleep: Sleep has been good. I can't complain.
Best moment of this week: My appointment on Monday was awesome. My doctor was teaching her student doctor how to find a heart beat on a ultrasound so I got to see baby cub. As soon as the screen came on, I swear to you that baby was waving. Poor student doctor kept trying to get the heartbeat but as soon as he got the cursor over the heart, baby would flip over so he had to do it again. Child has a sense of humor. I did not get to see a face because little legs and arms kept flying all over the place. Kevin had to work but I wish he could have been there. He would have absolutely loved it. When the student doctor did get the heartbeat, it was strong at 140. I was elated as I left. I also got my next appointment set up and a referral for my 20 week ultrasound. I am going to set it up so both Kevin and mom can be there to find out what our little one is.
Miss anything: Not this week.
Movement: There is no denying it. This baby is moving. It is the exact same feeling all throughout the day. It feels like everything they say it should feel like. It is the most amazing thing ever to feel. I was drumming my fingers on my stomach the other day and all of a sudden there was movement right below my fingers. Then a couple nights ago Kevin laid his arm across my stomach and baby moved right below it. Kevin did not feel anything but I thought it was so cool.
Food cravings: Ham and cheese sandwich, more on that soon.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope, been doing good on the sickness part.
Have you started to show yet: Everyone says yes.
Gender: All bets on girl.
Wedding rings on or off: Still on my necklace.
Happy or moody most of the time: I cried over a ham and cheese sandwich last night. Seriously, I did. I got to mom and J's house to drop off the car for mom to go to work and then I was going to go home and eat a ham and cheese sandwich for dinner. I got there and Kevin told me the plan had changed and we were spending the night. I freaked out and burst into tears. Mom walks out and tells me she is not going to work and Kevin says we can go get my ham and cheese sandwich to eat there. I feel ridiculous now but at the time, you would have thought I lost my mind.
Looking forward to: My anatomy scan.
Friday, March 7, 2014
14 Week Update
(Again, I am so sorry about the format of these posts. I seriously hope to get internet at the house soon so I can use Blogger there. I do not know why it won't let me type into the box from work. I have to write it in Yahoo and then do some weird link copy and paste and it pushes all the questions together. It looks horrible. I try to edit the previous posts when I get to Mom and J's house.)
How far along: 14 weeks(size of a a lemon)
Total weight gain: 12 pounds
Maternity clothes: My pants and I got a long and lean tanktop that I am so excited for. I loved them before I got pregnant. Now they are super comfortable and help me layer my clothes so that I have something underneath that is fitted.
Stretch marks: None that I have seen.
Sleep: Sleep has been pretty good. No sleeping on my stomach for me though because everytime I do, my stomach hurts when I wake up. The other night Kevin and I slept over at my mother and J's house and for some reason there ended up being two extra fluffy pillows that got thrown on the bed. So I had four pillows surrounding me. Best night sleep EVER.
Best moment of this week: Kevin started working at a union job this week. We do not know how long it will last but he is so glad to be finally doing something. Poor guy is the bottom of the totem pole so he literally went to work Monday and Tuesday at 4am worked all day, came home and slept for a couple hours, and left at 1am Wednesday to go to another job site. He was exhausted. But I am so proud of him for working hard and we talked through the way bills will be paid and we were on the same page. All the readers who have been here for awhile know what a big deal this job and money thing is for us. That was our big "issue" and now we can see if things have really changed the way we hope. So far what happened a couple months back and our child on the way, has clicked something in his brain and he seems to be a more mature person than he was. I am just so proud of him for working his butt off for his family. I of course feel so sad for him that he is so tired and sore. But he is pushing through the pain to do what he has to do. That makes my heart so happy. I believe in him so much and I just hope that the job is long enough to make it worth his effort. It is one of those jobs that he can work days,weeks, or months making good money and then not have a job for a few months. So this is just one of those things we have to take one day at a time and work together.
Miss anything: I would love a cold bologna sandwich. Yeah that is still a craving. Kevin promises that after I give birth he will get me a bologna sandwich with chips and I will be in heaven. I know that I technically could eat one and I would probably be fine, but then I would want another and another. So it is easier to just stay away.
Movement: I keep feeling the popping feeling. Everything and everyone makes me feel like I am just imagining it or it is "gas". But I keep feeling it, it is usually in the same spot on my lower stomach, and happens especially after I drink soda or eat something with sugar. So if it is gas, then I am crazy and so be it. But since I am the only one that can feel it, I still can have the hope that maybe it is something. In the end I will know if it truly was gas or if it kept getting stronger and ended up being what I feel it is.
Food cravings: See the miss anything part.
Anything making you queasy or sick: When I don't eat, which is something I have dealt with all my life. I am the worst at eating(especially breakfast). I feel so guilty now because I don't want my child hurt because I am too lazy to eat a bowl of cereal. But don't you worry, this baby puts me in my place when it is hungry. I went too long at my desk with no food, and almost passed out because I got so sick. So I may have broke some rules about not eating at my desk but I was not going to let myself pass out. Mommy did what she had to do.
Have you started to show yet: Who knows, some days I feel bigger than others.
Gender: Haha still girl.
Wedding rings on or off: Still around my neck. Kevin's is not on the chain too because at his job, wearing a ring can cause him to lose a finger.
Happy or moody most of the time: Emotionally I have been doing better. Maybe because he has been all mine, except for when he is working. My emotions just make Kevin think 100 percent it is a girl. He asked, "Do you want to hit me? At all?" and I looked at him shocked and said, "Of course not." and he walked away saying, "That is because it is a girl." He had a point.
Looking forward to: My appointment on Monday the 10th. I always get so nervous when I have not heard the heartbeat in weeks.
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