How far along: 26 Weeks(Landon is around 1 2\3 pounds and 14 inches long )
Total weight gain: 25 pounds.
Maternity clothes: I need to get some more dresses because it is hot outside and these jeans are killer.
Stretch marks: Yes. Very much so.
Sleep: I am doing much better this week with laying on my arm. Very happy about that.
Best moment of this week: My family went swimming this week. It is so hot outside and it felt amazing to be in the cool water.
Miss anything: Being able to move freely without getting tired.
Movement: He has some wild days. It is very distracting at work but I love it.
Food cravings: I have not really had any cravings this week. In fact, I have been having trouble thinking of anything to eat at all.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope!
Have you started to show yet: Sure am. When I took my outer clothes off at the pool N stared at my stomach and said, "That is a BIG belly." Thanks N.
Belly button in or out: My mom told me that her belly button always flattened out during pregnancy. I can see that happening.
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck. There is no chance of it going on my finger.
Happy or moody most of the time: I had a rough day this week. I got really depressed in the morning for no reason and could not shake it all day. I was angry and tearful but had no reason why I felt that way. It was really bad. Kevin kept trying to make me feel better but everything he said I turned around on him. It was just not a fun day at all but I woke up the next morning feeling much better so I have no idea why my hormones were so crazy that day.
Looking forward to: Not my glucose test next week.
Friday, May 30, 2014
Sunday, May 25, 2014
A Year Ago Today
A year ago today I posted my first blog entry here. Did I have plans for the way this blog would work out? Sure did. Was I completely wrong about those plans? Sure was. Don't think this entry is going to be all sad and depressed. I do not regret for a second starting this blog and I do not regret for a second what happened. I still truly believe that everything happens for a reason. My point is that you just never know what will be the same and different in a matters time. Last year my mother had almost died weeks prior, I was getting married with rose colored glasses, and this blog was just something I would do until I got bored. Now a year later, my mother is doing extremely well with thankfully only a couple lasting effects from last year, I am still getting married but have more appreciation for my relationship, my blog is a source of comfort and freedom for me whenever I need it. And best of all, I have an awesome little boy on his way to me.
I have learned in this past year that you just never know what the next day holds. One day you believe many things are one way and the next everything is changed. That can be a good thing and that can be a hard thing at times. What happened last year pulled the rug out from under my feet but it showed me what I needed to see. I know what I need to appreciate in my life and relationship and I know what still needs to be fixed or the problems it can eventually cause. That is knowledge I did not have last year. I was so focused on the wedding that I was ignoring what was right in front of me. I lost something very important to me and it woke me and Kevin up big time. We also learned not to let just anyone into our life because their intentions might not be good. We gave our trust to people who hurt us in a way that we will never forget. Toxic people were let into our life and caused destruction until the day they were out of it. We will never forget the cruel things that were said about us and to us and I can promise you, it will not be allowed again. I will not let my family be torn apart like that every again. I will not live in hell ever again. We know what is at stake if we do not take our relationship seriously, and now with Landon that is even more important. I have learned in this past year that the two of us are not perfect and we both have stuff we still need to work on with ourselves, but we love each other and are committed to each other no matter what and we love Landon and the three of us deserve to give our family the best shot possible. Last year was a bad time but we got through it and now we have a happiness and respect that I am so glad to have. I did not know I would gain that when I wrote last year's post.
A year ago I was not aware that J would play the part in our life's that he did. He was an incredible man and it still feels wrong that he was gone so suddenly and without any goodbyes. I believe he is looking down from Heaven and watching over all of us to make sure we are alright. He is missed every day by so many people who loved him dearly. He is another reason for me learning how precious every day is. One day he was fine and sitting on the couch. The next day I am sitting in a room full of his loved ones in tears and wondering how this could happen. It is a moment and a feeling that I will never forget.
I am not going to try and predict exactly what will be wrote in next years entry because I just don't know. Of course I have stuff I would assume would be in the next entry such as talking about Kevin and Landon, but I can not tell you details because I have not lived them. But I do believe that no matter what happens, I am excited to live this next year and find out how my life changes in a matter of a year.
I have learned in this past year that you just never know what the next day holds. One day you believe many things are one way and the next everything is changed. That can be a good thing and that can be a hard thing at times. What happened last year pulled the rug out from under my feet but it showed me what I needed to see. I know what I need to appreciate in my life and relationship and I know what still needs to be fixed or the problems it can eventually cause. That is knowledge I did not have last year. I was so focused on the wedding that I was ignoring what was right in front of me. I lost something very important to me and it woke me and Kevin up big time. We also learned not to let just anyone into our life because their intentions might not be good. We gave our trust to people who hurt us in a way that we will never forget. Toxic people were let into our life and caused destruction until the day they were out of it. We will never forget the cruel things that were said about us and to us and I can promise you, it will not be allowed again. I will not let my family be torn apart like that every again. I will not live in hell ever again. We know what is at stake if we do not take our relationship seriously, and now with Landon that is even more important. I have learned in this past year that the two of us are not perfect and we both have stuff we still need to work on with ourselves, but we love each other and are committed to each other no matter what and we love Landon and the three of us deserve to give our family the best shot possible. Last year was a bad time but we got through it and now we have a happiness and respect that I am so glad to have. I did not know I would gain that when I wrote last year's post.
A year ago I was not aware that J would play the part in our life's that he did. He was an incredible man and it still feels wrong that he was gone so suddenly and without any goodbyes. I believe he is looking down from Heaven and watching over all of us to make sure we are alright. He is missed every day by so many people who loved him dearly. He is another reason for me learning how precious every day is. One day he was fine and sitting on the couch. The next day I am sitting in a room full of his loved ones in tears and wondering how this could happen. It is a moment and a feeling that I will never forget.
I am not going to try and predict exactly what will be wrote in next years entry because I just don't know. Of course I have stuff I would assume would be in the next entry such as talking about Kevin and Landon, but I can not tell you details because I have not lived them. But I do believe that no matter what happens, I am excited to live this next year and find out how my life changes in a matter of a year.
Friday, May 23, 2014
25 Week Update
How far along: 25 Weeks(Landon is around a pound and a half and 13 1\2 inches long )
Total weight gain: 25 pounds.
Maternity clothes: I need to get some more dresses because it is hot outside and these jeans are killer.
Stretch marks: Yes. Very much so.
Sleep: I keep laying on my arm when I lay on my side, and I wake up in pain because of it being numb and then "waking up". But atleast I can say it is my fault for laying on my arm. The other night I woke up with my entire right leg waking up. That SUCKED!
Best moment of this week: Kevin put together Landon's crib. It is so cool to see his room coming together.
Miss anything: Being able to move freely without getting tired. I seriously feel like such a burden to be out with because I either complain my back is hurting or need to sit down or get something to drink. My mom just moved in near us and I was useless with moving.
Movement: Landon's kicks are getting strong. I was not looking but yesterday I swear his entire leg came out of my stomach because of how strong it was. It was such a weird feeling. I have been able to feel him move a majority of the day. It is awesome compared to the once a day movements I had before.
Food cravings: I got the bean dip I was craving last week. Eh... I was not as impressed as I thought I would be. Oh well.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope!
Have you started to show yet: I am so glad to be out of the "Is she pregnant or fat?" stage. More and more people from the outside ask about my pregnancy or say, "That is what you have to look forward to" when a child is on the ground of the church cafeteria screaming his little head off.
Gender: Boy :)
Belly button in or out: My belly button is actually not as deep as it used to be. That is a weird thing for me. I have always had such a deep belly button that I assumed I would never have that "popping" belly button. I still may not but no matter what, something is going on in my belly button.
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck. There is no chance of it going on my finger.
Happy or moody most of the time: I have been having a lot of cranky moments. It is really annoying because I even know I am being cranky for no reason yet I still snap.
Looking forward to: My baby shower is next month. Super excited for that. My glucose test is in a few weeks. Not super excited for that.
Total weight gain: 25 pounds.
Maternity clothes: I need to get some more dresses because it is hot outside and these jeans are killer.
Stretch marks: Yes. Very much so.
Sleep: I keep laying on my arm when I lay on my side, and I wake up in pain because of it being numb and then "waking up". But atleast I can say it is my fault for laying on my arm. The other night I woke up with my entire right leg waking up. That SUCKED!
Best moment of this week: Kevin put together Landon's crib. It is so cool to see his room coming together.
Miss anything: Being able to move freely without getting tired. I seriously feel like such a burden to be out with because I either complain my back is hurting or need to sit down or get something to drink. My mom just moved in near us and I was useless with moving.
Movement: Landon's kicks are getting strong. I was not looking but yesterday I swear his entire leg came out of my stomach because of how strong it was. It was such a weird feeling. I have been able to feel him move a majority of the day. It is awesome compared to the once a day movements I had before.
Food cravings: I got the bean dip I was craving last week. Eh... I was not as impressed as I thought I would be. Oh well.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope!
Have you started to show yet: I am so glad to be out of the "Is she pregnant or fat?" stage. More and more people from the outside ask about my pregnancy or say, "That is what you have to look forward to" when a child is on the ground of the church cafeteria screaming his little head off.
Gender: Boy :)
Belly button in or out: My belly button is actually not as deep as it used to be. That is a weird thing for me. I have always had such a deep belly button that I assumed I would never have that "popping" belly button. I still may not but no matter what, something is going on in my belly button.
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck. There is no chance of it going on my finger.
Happy or moody most of the time: I have been having a lot of cranky moments. It is really annoying because I even know I am being cranky for no reason yet I still snap.
Looking forward to: My baby shower is next month. Super excited for that. My glucose test is in a few weeks. Not super excited for that.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
I Just Don't Know
In case you have not heard, I am pregnant. Yeah I know... suprising. But the thing is, one part of my brain comprehends this. I am pregnant. There will be a baby in my arms at the end of summer. I will feel things that I do not even know how to feel yet. Everything that a mother to be gets told. But it is easy to comprehend something when you are on the other side of it. I am not on that side, yet. The part of my brain that comprehends all the "soon to be's" that are coming my way, is right next to the part of my brain that is staring at a blank wall confused. And that part of my brain is scared as all hell. I know nothing to come.
I do not know what Landon looks like.
I do not know when he will be born.
I do not know if I will have a normal vaginal birth or be rushed into an emergency csection.
I do not know what day will forever be his birth day.
I do not know what I will feel when my eyes fall onto my baby boy for the first time.
I do not know what the look on Kevin's face will be like when he meets his son.
I do not know what a mother's love feels like as she watches her child take their first breath.
I just do not know. I think this worry got worse after the hospital when I realized I do not know what labor feels like. I do not know the difference between growing pains, braxton hicks, and real contractions. I have heard the whole, "You will know for sure when it is real" but that does not make anything better. I do not know what is something growing and something going wrong in my body. I just... I feel like I don't know anything. I can listen to stories and I can pretend to understand but of course I don't, I have not experienced it yet. I know how much I love him now, but that is the extent of what I know because it is the only thing I have known. That is scary. A part of me is excited to know that eventually, somehow, one day he will be born and I will know all of this. But at the same time, I have no control. And the scariest part is the knowledge that once I know all this stuff, it is real. Once I give birth, my child is no longer safe in
my stomach. He is outside, with all the scary things, and all I can do is love him? That is the scariest thing. I want to meet him so badly. But then...how can I protect him? I am already so scared about his well being so I can only imagine how much worse it is when he is born. I just am so overwhelmed with the knowledge that one day, sooner than it feels, I will suddenly be feeling a full range of emotions for a person I just met and I have no way to prepare for them. Then that little boy will forever scare the ever living daylights out of me every moment of my life. Where is he? Is he alright? Is he still breathing? Is someone trying to pull him into a car and steal him away forever?
I know there will be fear emotions, but I am trying to focus more on the unknown love emotions. I am already so scared, yet I am also so in love already. If the fear increases then I can not wait to feel the love increase as well. I know it is only a short period of not knowing and it will be so worth it when I know everything, but it is just a lot to deal with. I apologize if this is a jumble of rambling thoughts. I just have had a lot going through my mind lately and needed to get it out. This blog is a way to remember how I felt during key moments in my life, and this is one of them, so I figured I needed to get it out somehow. I am a planner, I need to know how I will feel at all times, and I need to know every detail of what will happen every part of the day. I just am really scared of the unknown.
I do not know what Landon looks like.
I do not know when he will be born.
I do not know if I will have a normal vaginal birth or be rushed into an emergency csection.
I do not know what day will forever be his birth day.
I do not know what I will feel when my eyes fall onto my baby boy for the first time.
I do not know what the look on Kevin's face will be like when he meets his son.
I do not know what a mother's love feels like as she watches her child take their first breath.
I just do not know. I think this worry got worse after the hospital when I realized I do not know what labor feels like. I do not know the difference between growing pains, braxton hicks, and real contractions. I have heard the whole, "You will know for sure when it is real" but that does not make anything better. I do not know what is something growing and something going wrong in my body. I just... I feel like I don't know anything. I can listen to stories and I can pretend to understand but of course I don't, I have not experienced it yet. I know how much I love him now, but that is the extent of what I know because it is the only thing I have known. That is scary. A part of me is excited to know that eventually, somehow, one day he will be born and I will know all of this. But at the same time, I have no control. And the scariest part is the knowledge that once I know all this stuff, it is real. Once I give birth, my child is no longer safe in
my stomach. He is outside, with all the scary things, and all I can do is love him? That is the scariest thing. I want to meet him so badly. But then...how can I protect him? I am already so scared about his well being so I can only imagine how much worse it is when he is born. I just am so overwhelmed with the knowledge that one day, sooner than it feels, I will suddenly be feeling a full range of emotions for a person I just met and I have no way to prepare for them. Then that little boy will forever scare the ever living daylights out of me every moment of my life. Where is he? Is he alright? Is he still breathing? Is someone trying to pull him into a car and steal him away forever?
I know there will be fear emotions, but I am trying to focus more on the unknown love emotions. I am already so scared, yet I am also so in love already. If the fear increases then I can not wait to feel the love increase as well. I know it is only a short period of not knowing and it will be so worth it when I know everything, but it is just a lot to deal with. I apologize if this is a jumble of rambling thoughts. I just have had a lot going through my mind lately and needed to get it out. This blog is a way to remember how I felt during key moments in my life, and this is one of them, so I figured I needed to get it out somehow. I am a planner, I need to know how I will feel at all times, and I need to know every detail of what will happen every part of the day. I just am really scared of the unknown.
Friday, May 16, 2014
24 Week Update
How far along: 24 Weeks(Landon is the size of an ear of corn ) It was a really big deal to me to get to this week. Of course, Landon needs to stay in my belly where I can keep him safe and warm for many more weeks. But just knowing that if something happened and he was to be born early, he would have a fighting chance. That was a big relief for me. I can't imagine how those women felt who had a baby just short of 24 weeks and the doctors did not do everything possible to save the child's life. It feels so good to know that every week from now on, he has a better and better chance.
Total weight gain: 25 pounds.
Total weight gain: 25 pounds.
Maternity clothes: The same as always.
Stretch marks: Oh yeah.
Sleep: I can't complain.
Best moment of this week: It was not exactly the "best moment"but it was something worth mentioning. A couple days ago I was at work and started having pains every couple minutes. Well I told myself everything was fine and finished work. But through shopping with my mom and going home, I couldn't stop crying because I kept feeling the pains. Even when my family gave me a mothers day present that I had always wanted(an electric mixer), I gave a luke warm response to it due to the pain. After I once again burst into tears because of the pain, I decided to go to the hospital.
I ended up in Labor and Delivery with contractions. It was so scary. I was already in pain and then I got an IV and the vein was bad so the nurse had to start over, then I had the shot to stop the contractions(it started with a T) and it made my heart race and me shake uncontrollably, then I got the dilation check which hurt more than I could have imagined. Poor Kevin had to practically hold onto me so I did not crawl off the bed as I was trying not to yell in pain. He was incredible though and did not leave my side unless it was to get me something to drink. When she did the check, she tried to explain to me that the first lip of my cervix was big enough for her to get her finger into but could not get it into the second lip. So she said it was good the second part was high and seemed to be closed but that the first part should not be dilated at all. So they kept me overnight to see if anything progressed.
I got to go home the next day but was told to watch my body and be aware that my body is trying to start labor if I do not slow down and relax more. It seems to be one of those, either take it easy now or be on bedrest\go into labor and have him early. So obviously, I am taking it easier. But of course little man was perfect on the screen with his movement. The only issue was that he was so small that when they tried to use the monitors to track him, he kept kicking them and sneaking away so it sounded like his heart beat suddenly stopped. The nurse had the worst time keeping up with him.
I got to go home the next day but was told to watch my body and be aware that my body is trying to start labor if I do not slow down and relax more. It seems to be one of those, either take it easy now or be on bedrest\go into labor and have him early. So obviously, I am taking it easier. But of course little man was perfect on the screen with his movement. The only issue was that he was so small that when they tried to use the monitors to track him, he kept kicking them and sneaking away so it sounded like his heart beat suddenly stopped. The nurse had the worst time keeping up with him.
Miss anything: Nope.
Movement: It is the cutest thing when Landon moves when his daddy says hello to him. Kevin gets so excited and tries to keep him doing it. I felt so sad when Kevin was trying to get him to move and Landon was kicking but was just too little to make it felt. So it is really cool to watch the two of them interact with eachother more and more each day.
Food cravings: Bean dip. Mmmm i'd love some right now.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope!
Have you started to show yet: Oh yes.
Gender: Boy :)
Belly button in or out: Still way in.
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck.
Happy or moody most of the time: Emotional. I can cry at the drop of a hat still.
Looking forward to: Feeling him move stronger and stronger every day.
Friday, May 9, 2014
23 Week Update
How far along: 23 Weeks(Landon is the size of a large mango )
Total weight gain: 25 pounds. My appointment on the 5th showed a two pound increase. Two pounds is nice compared to 20.
Maternity clothes: The same as always.
Stretch marks: Oh yeah.
Sleep: I know it could be much worse. Some days I sleep all night, others I wake up to pee once or twice.
Total weight gain: 25 pounds. My appointment on the 5th showed a two pound increase. Two pounds is nice compared to 20.
Maternity clothes: The same as always.
Stretch marks: Oh yeah.
Sleep: I know it could be much worse. Some days I sleep all night, others I wake up to pee once or twice.
Best moment of this week: We ordered the crib! Yay!
Miss anything: Nope.
Movement: He moved every morning, everyday around 2pm, and towards bedtime. It is really cool that he is getting a bit of a schedule.
Food cravings: Grilled Cheese Sandwich that Kevin makes me. I am probably annoying him with it because I ask practically EVERY NIGHT.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope!
Have you started to show yet: Oh yes.
Gender: Boy :)
Belly button in or out: Still way in.
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck.
Happy or moody most of the time: There was a day that Kevin took off his shirt and a dime was stuck to his stomach. Instead of just chuckling and being done with it. I laughed hysterically for 10 minutes. He had to literally walk out of the room so I would stop laughing and then I had to try not to start laughing when he came back in. I had tears flowing because of how hard I was laughing. Over a dime!
Looking forward to: Feeling him move stronger and stronger every day.
Friday, May 2, 2014
22 Week Update
How far along: 22 Weeks(Landon is the size of a spagetti squash at around 11 inches and almost a pound )
Total weight gain: 23 pounds.
Maternity clothes: The same as always.
Stretch marks: Oh yeah.
Sleep: I have come to terms that I will wake up all throughout the night to pee so I just sleep while I am peeing.
Best moment of this week: I was sitting on the couch and Landon was moving as usual. Well this felt different. It was below my underwear line and literally felt like he was trying to crawl out. So I put my hand there and I could feel him pushing out. So I told Kevin to come over quickly. Honestly, we both had tried so hard to get him to feel Landon and never could so we expected him to not feel anything. But Kevin put his hand there and waited a few seconds. As soon as he was about to give up, his eyes got big and he said, "Woah". Landon was pressing his head into Kevin's hand and wiggling around. It was so sweet to see how amazed Kevin got to finally feel his little boy. A part of him was totally weirded out that he was actually touching Landon on the other side of my skin. So cute!!! I had never felt Landon that low before and it was so cool to share that moment with Kevin.
Miss anything: Nope.
Movement: Definitely! Each day they get stronger.
Food cravings: Candy.
Anything making you queasy or sick: No my sickness is pretty much gone. I get the occasional nausea at night but overall I can not complain about this.
Have you started to show yet: Oh yes.
Gender: Boy :)
Belly button in or out: Still way in.
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck.
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy. I am doing well.
Looking forward to: Everything! I can't decide on one thing this week.
Total weight gain: 23 pounds.
Maternity clothes: The same as always.
Stretch marks: Oh yeah.
Sleep: I have come to terms that I will wake up all throughout the night to pee so I just sleep while I am peeing.
Best moment of this week: I was sitting on the couch and Landon was moving as usual. Well this felt different. It was below my underwear line and literally felt like he was trying to crawl out. So I put my hand there and I could feel him pushing out. So I told Kevin to come over quickly. Honestly, we both had tried so hard to get him to feel Landon and never could so we expected him to not feel anything. But Kevin put his hand there and waited a few seconds. As soon as he was about to give up, his eyes got big and he said, "Woah". Landon was pressing his head into Kevin's hand and wiggling around. It was so sweet to see how amazed Kevin got to finally feel his little boy. A part of him was totally weirded out that he was actually touching Landon on the other side of my skin. So cute!!! I had never felt Landon that low before and it was so cool to share that moment with Kevin.
Miss anything: Nope.
Movement: Definitely! Each day they get stronger.
Food cravings: Candy.
Anything making you queasy or sick: No my sickness is pretty much gone. I get the occasional nausea at night but overall I can not complain about this.
Have you started to show yet: Oh yes.
Gender: Boy :)
Belly button in or out: Still way in.
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck.
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy. I am doing well.
Looking forward to: Everything! I can't decide on one thing this week.
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