Love in its Simplest Form

138 days to go

I lay my head on the side of the pool, letting the sun warm my face. I hear people yelling and screaming as they splash eachother and horseplay. Little kids getting told not to run,adults doing laps across the pool,and lifeguards watching over everyone with a intense eye. Through all the noises and things going on around me, I am focused on only one voice. I open my eyes and  look over my shoulder at the man across the pool. He is helping our friends' one year old baby swim her way in a circle. He smiles as she giggles and splashes her way around. His hands hold her tight enough for her to feel safe enough to swim around without fear. As I am watching, his eyes travel up and lock with mine. And within seconds he is smiling at me, fully.

And my heart melts.

Just a Quote

I was reading an article a few moments ago and the article is not the point of this post. It is one of the things the writer said that got me. If you have someone you love, then you will feel what this person is feeling, only the "moment" will be related to you and not the writer. I have to admit that it made my heart both fill with awe and sadness at the same time.....

Last night, I was laying with my wife, my hands resting gently on her stomach, when it hit me how lucky we both were. We're going to have our child soon, then possibly more, and one day, they will be grown and have children of their own. Time will pass, we will grow old, and there will be a night when one of us will need to lay down for the first time with the other no longer there. It is then, as this life together has met its end, that the one who is left behind will be willing to trade anything to come back to this moment, the very beginning, and get to live this incredible adventure all over again

Isn't that just the most beautiful and sad thing to read?


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bryan-wood/fatherhood_b_2598363.html?utm_hp_ref=parents-pregnancy

Anxiously Awaiting

147 days to go

   I am in that stage where our wedding day seems too far away. I know that we need all the time we can get but I am just so excited that it seems to be taking forever. We have been waiting for this day for a LONG TIME. So now I like to joke with Kevin that we should just run off and get married today. He,of course,knows I am kidding but he is just as impatient as I am. I know that just like everything else, it will be worth the wait. I am just so ready to be married to him.

   Lately,well actually I have always had an issue with this but it has been acting up more recently, I have been seriously worried about him changing his mind. I know how stupid that sounds. I tell myself all the time how stupid that sounds. But I have this kind of mindset with the world that if things are going well, they are about to mess up dramatically. My mind likes to whisper "There is no way this will work out. He is going to change his mind. Etc... etc..." And I have to tell my mind to STFU. I have always had a fear of abandoment but like I said, as the day gets closer I get more and more nervous. I know he is not going anywhere, he knows I am not going anywhere. But sometimes I just need to him to remind me. Just so I can hear it. He never has any issue telling me how much he loves me so I got lucky there. I know some guys would get annoyed and not say it as much. I know deep in my heart that everything will be okay. It is just scary putting so much trust into someone. But it is worth it and I would do it all over again.

Panic Stricken

159 days to go

I have been fine this whole time. Ever since we set the date, I have been fine. I might have moments of feeling nervous but I immediately fixed whatever worried me and I was fine. Something would seem to go wrong and I would shrug it off. I kept telling myself "I am doing great."....Jokes on me. About a week ago I had this idea to list the remaining months and then put down what we would buy with each check. Seemed easy enough. So I was having fun with it at first. But before I knew it...October showed up. And then November. And then I realized there was not enough months to put down what was left. And that is when I got hit.

What if we don't get a cake?!?!

What if we don't get a hotel room?!?!

What are we going to drive away in?!?!

What if neither of us have anything to do the night before?!?!

What if there is not enough parking?!?!!?

What if I forget something the day of?!?!?!

What if I don't fit into my dress?!?!?!

What if something happens when I walk down the aisle?!?!?!

What if everyone hates our reception party?!?!?!?!

And an endless supply more that I imagine going wrong. I feel that panic squeezing my chest and I feel like I am going to pass out. It is terrifying and I hate the feeling. So I close my eyes and imagine Kevin. In my mind I imagine him watching me walk down the aisle. In my mind I have no idea how everything worked out. I do not know if ANYTHING worked out. I just know that I have finally made it to December 11th and I am marrying my best friend. I can feel his love guiding me down the aisle and when I open my eyes I know that I can count on that.

Even if everything else goes wrong(even though I know that everything will not go wrong), that no matter what he will be at the end of that aisle. I will marry him that day no matter what. And even if(god forbid) something does not work out that day, he will be right by my side. And I know he will help me laugh it off. Somehow...he will get me through the day. And I know that the next day it will not matter what bad happened because I will be married to him.