Anxiously Awaiting

147 days to go

   I am in that stage where our wedding day seems too far away. I know that we need all the time we can get but I am just so excited that it seems to be taking forever. We have been waiting for this day for a LONG TIME. So now I like to joke with Kevin that we should just run off and get married today. He,of course,knows I am kidding but he is just as impatient as I am. I know that just like everything else, it will be worth the wait. I am just so ready to be married to him.

   Lately,well actually I have always had an issue with this but it has been acting up more recently, I have been seriously worried about him changing his mind. I know how stupid that sounds. I tell myself all the time how stupid that sounds. But I have this kind of mindset with the world that if things are going well, they are about to mess up dramatically. My mind likes to whisper "There is no way this will work out. He is going to change his mind. Etc... etc..." And I have to tell my mind to STFU. I have always had a fear of abandoment but like I said, as the day gets closer I get more and more nervous. I know he is not going anywhere, he knows I am not going anywhere. But sometimes I just need to him to remind me. Just so I can hear it. He never has any issue telling me how much he loves me so I got lucky there. I know some guys would get annoyed and not say it as much. I know deep in my heart that everything will be okay. It is just scary putting so much trust into someone. But it is worth it and I would do it all over again.