Panic Stricken

159 days to go

I have been fine this whole time. Ever since we set the date, I have been fine. I might have moments of feeling nervous but I immediately fixed whatever worried me and I was fine. Something would seem to go wrong and I would shrug it off. I kept telling myself "I am doing great."....Jokes on me. About a week ago I had this idea to list the remaining months and then put down what we would buy with each check. Seemed easy enough. So I was having fun with it at first. But before I knew it...October showed up. And then November. And then I realized there was not enough months to put down what was left. And that is when I got hit.

What if we don't get a cake?!?!

What if we don't get a hotel room?!?!

What are we going to drive away in?!?!

What if neither of us have anything to do the night before?!?!

What if there is not enough parking?!?!!?

What if I forget something the day of?!?!?!

What if I don't fit into my dress?!?!?!

What if something happens when I walk down the aisle?!?!?!

What if everyone hates our reception party?!?!?!?!

And an endless supply more that I imagine going wrong. I feel that panic squeezing my chest and I feel like I am going to pass out. It is terrifying and I hate the feeling. So I close my eyes and imagine Kevin. In my mind I imagine him watching me walk down the aisle. In my mind I have no idea how everything worked out. I do not know if ANYTHING worked out. I just know that I have finally made it to December 11th and I am marrying my best friend. I can feel his love guiding me down the aisle and when I open my eyes I know that I can count on that.

Even if everything else goes wrong(even though I know that everything will not go wrong), that no matter what he will be at the end of that aisle. I will marry him that day no matter what. And even if(god forbid) something does not work out that day, he will be right by my side. And I know he will help me laugh it off. Somehow...he will get me through the day. And I know that the next day it will not matter what bad happened because I will be married to him.