A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I posted my first blog entry here. Did I have plans for the way this blog would work out? Sure did. Was I completely wrong about those plans? Sure was. Don't think this entry is going to be all sad and depressed. I do not regret for a second starting this blog and I do not regret for a second what happened. I still truly believe that everything happens for a reason. My point is that you just never know what will be the same and different in a matters time. Last year my mother had almost died weeks prior, I was getting married with rose colored glasses, and this blog was just something I would do until I got bored. Now a year later, my mother is doing extremely well with thankfully only a couple lasting effects from last year, I am still getting married but have more appreciation for my relationship, my blog is a source of comfort and freedom for me whenever I need it. And best of all, I have an awesome little boy on his way to me.

 I have learned in this past year that you just never know what the next day holds. One day you believe many things are one way and the next everything is changed. That can be a good thing and that can be a hard thing at times. What happened last year pulled the rug out from under my feet but it showed me what I needed to see. I know what I need to appreciate in my life and relationship and I know what still needs to be fixed or the problems it can eventually cause. That is knowledge I did not have last year. I was so focused on the wedding that I was ignoring what was right in front of me. I lost something very important to me and it woke me and Kevin up big time. We also learned not to let just anyone into our life because their intentions might not be good. We gave our trust to people who hurt us in a way that we will never forget. Toxic people were let into our life and caused destruction until the day they were out of it. We will never forget the cruel things that were said about us and to us and I can promise you, it will not be allowed again. I will not let my family be torn apart like that every again. I will not live in hell ever again. We know what is at stake if we do not take our relationship seriously, and now with Landon that is even more important. I have learned in this past year that the two of us are not perfect and we both have stuff we still need to work on with ourselves, but we love each other and are committed to each other no matter what and we love Landon and the three of us deserve to give our family the best shot possible. Last year was a bad time but we got through it and now we have a happiness and respect that I am so glad to have. I did not know I would gain that when I wrote last year's post.

A year ago I was not aware that J would play the part in our life's that he did. He was an incredible man and it still feels wrong that he was gone so suddenly and without any goodbyes. I believe he is looking down from Heaven and watching over all of us to make sure we are alright. He is missed every day by so many people who loved him dearly. He is another reason for me learning how precious every day is. One day he was fine and sitting on the couch. The next day I am sitting in a room full of his loved ones in tears and wondering how this could happen. It is a moment and a feeling that I will never forget.


 I am not going to try and predict exactly what will be wrote in next years entry because I just don't know. Of course I have stuff I would assume would be in the next entry such as talking about Kevin and Landon, but I can not tell you details because I have not lived them. But I do believe that no matter what happens, I am excited to live this next year and find out how my life changes in a matter of a year.