Mommy?Daddy?

Today I get to talk about my relationship with my parents. You got awhile? Haha.

Dad 1-

My biological father was one of those men that could make the babies but could not raise them very well. I have quite a few half siblings and we all have quite a few different mothers. He was into drugs and alcohol and did not really care about his responsibilities. My mother put up with it for a good while until one day when he got very physical and she finally could not take it anymore and left. He signed his rights away and that was that. Until I was fifteen. I had grown up never speaking to him so I was able to have all these cute little fantasies about when I finally met him and he had changed and become this awesome man. Wrong....my mom and I went on a two week trip and I was so nervous and excited to meet him and when we finally got to Arizona and I finally met him, I was so disappointed. I saw how he lived and I saw who he was and how he acted and I was not impressed in the least bit. He was not someone I wanted to surround myself with. After the trip was over, he did this cruel thing of coming into my life for a few weeks and then disappearing again and then trying to come back later. Every time he showed up, my world got shifted and he became more of an annoyance than a joy. So finally I decided to stop trying and once I stopped making the effort, I haven't heard from him since.

Dad 2-

When I was 3 my mom met a man who she ended up marrying when I was 6 and adopted me legally when I was 8. He was there financially but he was not there in the least bit emotionally. If I needed new shoes or a ride to a friends house then he would do it, but he did not do any more than he had to. Looking back, I have no memories of him at any school event, any girl scout event, any fun evening out, etc. He was there but was more of a roommate and a wallet. I never understood how those "daddies girls" felt because I had a male influence not a daddy. It makes me really sad that I never got that. 

When my mother and him divorced when I was 14, there was a lot of stuff that happened. In order for the sake of my sanity I do not feel like reliving it but let me just say that it was a horrendous and traumatic experience for everyone involved. And because of the things he did to me during the divorce, I refused to speak to him. He tried to force me into custody and I fought it tooth and nail, but the second I turned 18 I got as far away from him as possible and did not look back. He was my brothers father, not mine. I made that very clear to him.

Now 6 years have passed and I have learned to forgive. Let me be clear. Forgive...not forget. I still do not talk to him but when I am around him due to my brothers, I am civil. They did no wrong so I will not ruin their childhood with my anger and disgust. I sometimes wonder what he tells them about why we do not talk, but that is something I will face when they ask me. As I look at it, I do not have a father. It sucks but I think that I am doing just fine without any "father".

One and only mom-

Now that I have gotten the dad issue out of the way, happier talking has come. My mother is amazing. I love her to pieces. She is an incredible and loving mother who would walk through fire to protect her children. As I said before, I never felt like I had a father. So she stepped up and was both my father and my mother. She was at every school, girl scout, any event I had and never complained about it. There was many times she gave up something for herself in order to give it to her children. She does not believe she is as amazing as everyone believes her to be. She always thinks because of her mistakes, that her children will grow up and hate her, but I could never see that happening. She has been my support during any hard time I have had. And so I try to be hers when she needs it. I know I am lucky to have a mother who adores me, since I have seen many people who are not so lucky.