The Message

 I know this is going to be a rantfest and I apoligize to the readers who have to deal with this. For the most part, everyone has been so supportive since the news about Kevin and I was published. So I am thankful in so many ways to you all who have sent me kind words and congratulations. Unfortunately, certain people have "rubbed me wrong" and I need to speak about it.

    I was on lunch at work today, and called Kevin like I do every day at the same time. He told me he went onto my computer, where my Facebook account was open and saw a message from a friend of mine. He read it to see what she finally had to say.(yes it is my account but I really have nothing to hide and we have always been fine with eachother reading our stuff. So it did not bother me.)She had been acting strangely last time I talked to her so I wondered what was going on. In this message..... well I do not feel like recounting every sentence but basically this person decided to bring everything, including my faith into our issues. I was asked if I really thought God wanted me to be with Kevin. That Kevin would leave me when we had a family. Even went as far to bring up something that happened when we were fifteen. This person basically threw everything at me to imply that I was only with him because I thought that nobody else would want me and was afraid to be alone. And tried to say I should not be with him because he could hurt me again.

   This message really pissed me off. It shouldn't..I know. But it did. I am so tired of people talking trash about us being together again. HE MADE A MISTAKE. He will tell you more than anyone else that he was an idiot for doing it. He will tell you he should have never broke my heart. He will tell anyone he needs to that he is sorry, including me many many many times. He knows what he did. So why should I keep holding it over his head? What does that accomplish? And let us clarify.... he almost moved to another state. He did NOT hit me. He did NOT cheat on me. He did NOT do anything that caused unfixable damage. Heck, he did NOT even actually move. I just don't understand why people can't be supportive. Especially after I just went through months of being heartbroken over losing my best friend. If I can take steps towards healing then why can't my friend support me. Why would you see two people who are trying to make it work because they love each other, and then
 you try to make them feel guilty. Especially when there are so many people who have worse issues to work through.


    We are not perfect. We are cracked. We have things that we are still trying to figure out. But we are taking each day at a time. We will end up stronger than before because we will try. I can't tell you that we will spend happy ever after. I realize that you never know what the next day holds. I can, however, tell you that we are giving it our best shot. There is still a tremendous amount of hope for me to hang onto so I am not giving up yet. Couples have come back from far worse things. We love each other so very much. It is easy for people to judge when it is not their love of their life that they are losing. But if those same people thought about what I went through and the hope that I still have for us, they might feel the same way as I do. Kevin is who I want to be with. So I plan to fight for our relationship with all my heart and soul. And I will cherish every day I get with him. I have learned how precious each kiss and each hug and each "I love you" is. Some people don't get that back once they lose it. I did and I am so very thankful for it. And I don't plan to take it for granted every again. And neither does he.


    P.s. You know what he did today? He filled out a three hour long application for a job. Kevin...yeah...I know. I am so proud of him! We are just waiting to hear if he gets offered an interview. He does not think he did very well but I am just so proud that he tried. A three hour application is something he would not have done before. So it proves that he is making an effort and that makes me feel so proud. So everyone please cross your fingers for Kevin.