It Will Be Alright

Kevin and I had a bad couple of days when I wrote the post before last. For awhile, we were both on the verge of not even being friends because of how angry we both were. We are both Leo's so we are very good at being "fierce". Our arguments have never been physical or actually all that "fierce" at all. But of all our fights, those days were the worst. But both of us are not willing to lose a friendship over anger so we sat down and talked about it. Apparently it was people trying to come between us and telling both of us lies about the other one. Once we sat down and talked we realized all of our anger came from A. Stuff being put into our minds that was not actually even being said by either of us. And B. Our hearts both being broken and us lashing out. I had said some stuff that I am not proud of. And I had to be woman enough to apologize for it. When I said it, I did not realize how much I would be cutting him with my words. But after he told me how much of an effect it had on him, I told him I was so sorry and why I said it. I told him that we had to be strong. We may have lost the relationship but we did not have to lose the friendship. We had to not let what others say come between us.

And he admitted to me he knows he made a mistake. He is still moving to Indiana because he truly believes it is what he needs to do. But he told me he knows he made a mistake ruining the relationship. I am sad that he is going, but it made me feel good that I knew he was going to miss what we had also. It is all very overwhelming and I am never sure how I will feel each day. But as long as Kevin and I can keep our friendship strong, then I have something to hold onto. If something is bothering us, it is easier to talk to each other and clear it up than just to assume it is true and be pissed off. That does nothing but ruin precious time we have together. Today he goes to orientation for his Halloween job he is working at to get the money to go out to Indiana. Then October 1st he starts it and November 7th he is gone. It is a sad feeling having this sort of time clock. Knowing that basically, my time with him is coming to a halt quickly. I know he is not going to disappear off the face of the earth but still...it will not be the same.

I guess we just have to keep working on what needs to be worked on and continuing to pray for ourselves and each other and God will make sure everything falls into place.