21 Week Update

How far along: 21 Weeks(size of a carrot. Is a carrot that much bigger than a banana? Anyway I guess the numbers would be about 10 1\2 inches long. )
 
 Total weight gain: 23 pounds.
 
 Maternity clothes: The same as last week.
 
 Stretch marks: Oh yeah.
 
Sleep: I have come to terms that I will wake up all throughout the night to pee so I just sleep while I am peeing. A couple nights I could not get comfortable so I ended up laying awake for a long time until I eventually fell back asleep.
 
Best moment of this week: See "movement".
 
 Miss anything: Nope.
 
Movement: The other day Kevin was messing around and blew on my stomach with rasberries. He laughed and stood up to do something else, all of a sudden L kicked where Kevin had been blowing. So Kevin bent down and did it again. A few minutes later after Kevin had stood up it felt like L was jumping around in there. I told Kevin that L must be fighting whatever he thought was making the noise. Then one day I was rubbing my stomach and L kicked where I was rubbing, so I rubbed a different spot and he kicked there. It amazed me that he was actually responding to me.
 
Food cravings: Still candy.
 
 Anything making you queasy or sick: No my sickness is pretty much gone. I get the occasional nausea at night but overall I can not complain about this.
 
 Have you started to show yet: Oh yes.
 
Gender: Boy :)
 
Belly button in or out: Still way in.
 
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck.
 
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy. I am doing well.
 
Looking forward to: Kevin finally getting to feel L move.

Name Announcement

I have been calling baby "L" because I wanted to be able to get to a computer to post the pictures of our gender reveal with his name. So here it is everyone.......

20 Week Update

How far along: 20 Weeks(size of a banana)
 
 Total weight gain: 23 pounds.
 
 Maternity clothes: The same as last week.
 
 Stretch marks: Oh yeah. N saw my stomach the other day and was horrified that something had scratched me so badly. Like a cougar. Haha.
 
Sleep: I have come to terms that I will wake up all throughout the night to pee so I just sleep while I am peeing. Haha. I woke up the other day with hip pain and it was only relieved by putting my leg up onto Kevin. 
 
Best moment of this week: We had our anatomy scan on the 14th and it was so cool. It was verified that he is indeed a boy. I watched the numbers as she scanned each body part and each one was over 20 weeks and she did not seem worried about any particular thing so I am taking that as a good sign. He is head down with his face(at the time) facing my left side. It was really cool to get to see his little legs and arms. I even got a picture of his skeleton face with these big eyes. I was glad to know he was doing well. He definitely was getting tired of being poked at the end because he suddenly started flailing around so she could no longer keep up with him. I was tired of her pushing my full bladder also so I understood.
 
 Miss anything: Nope.
 
Movement: He gave me a punch last night that was so hard I actually exclaimed, "Oh!" and Kevin looked at me like I was crazy. I am loving feeling him move. He is trying so hard to let daddy feel him but it never works out. When he moves a lot, Kevin is not around due to me being at work or something. Then when I am at home and he moves, Kevin can not feel it or can not get his hand there in time. I am really hoping it will work out soon. I know the anticipation is driving Kevin crazy.
 
Food cravings: Kit Kats.
 
 Anything making you queasy or sick: No my sickness is pretty much gone. I get the occasional nausea at night but overall I can not complain about this.
 
 Have you started to show yet: Oh yes.
 
Gender: Boy :)
 
Belly button in or out: Still way in.
 
Wedding rings on or off: Around my neck.
 
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy. I am doing well.
 
Looking forward to: Kevin finally getting to feel L move.

I'm Here Mommy

The past few days I have been battling a bit of hopelessness. During the week of J's passing, Kevin found out that he was being laid off due to them not needing him anymore. It was just the cherry on top of an already sucky situation. Before then, he and I had made all these plans for how we were going to seperate the bills and buy stuff for baby L. Well that got ruined with them laying him off. I know we will figure it out but it is just really scary. I am so thankful for what we do have. A warm and safe place to live, I have a good job that allows us to pay for that safe place to live, and my mother who is always willing to help us out with anything we need. But it is not what we planned. We wanted to do it all ourselves. We did not want to NEED to ask for anything. Only have it given to us if people wanted to.

Kevin feels like crap that he is doing nothing while I go to work but does not know anything he has not already been doing to apply for a job. He is truly trying to make sure anything I need is fulfilled. He makes anything I want to eat, cleans anything I ask, rubs anything I ask(haha), but he said the other night that he feels like he is the wife and I am the husband and that makes him feel like less of a man. I am so thankful, even with our money issues, that he is my best friend. It could be so much worse if I had to come home and he was yelling at me or putting me down. He tells me very much how I am appreciated for everything I do. So I try to remember that it could always be worse. Even with all our problems, we love each other and we love baby L and the rest will always be figured out. I grew up with my mother struggling with money but I always knew I was loved by her and we always worked everything out. She made sure my brothers and I never went a day without a warm place to sleep and food to eat, even if both of those were origionally hers.

Kevin and I will do the same. L will know he is loved every day by both of us. We may not have much but he can have whatever we have. We did not plan on him coming so early but he is coming and we are not going to complain when there are so many people who are worse off or can't be parents at all. I know we will figure out all the details when the time is right but right now I just feel like a bad mother for not having what is needed yet.

My point of this post is that this morning I was talking to Kevin about my fear and started crying, right in the middle of my stomach I felt a kick. My heart warmed because it truly felt like both my boys were listening and saying it was alright. The three of us were going to be just fine because we had each other. I eventually got up and got on the bus to go to work. Ever since that kick, L has been moving all over the place kicking and flipping. How can you be depressed when your son is doing the one thing that makes you stop in your tracks and smile? I know he most likely does not even know what he is doing, but I like to think he knows my heart is hurting and is trying to make me feel better. And it is working. I have said it before and I will say it many more times. L brings me joy each and every day. I pray each and every day for his growth and for him to feel his mommy and daddy's love for him. I can't wait until I truly meet him and get to know his little personality. Kevin started the tradition when I first got pregnant of laying his ear on my stomach and talking to his baby. And I did not realize he would actually keep that going every day. He is waiting for the day he finally feels a kick and trust me, L is trying. A couple days ago L kicked Kevin in the back but Kevin could not feel it. But one day, hopefully soon, Kevin will be able to feel a response to his talking.

His movement today has helped my day be much better. Everytime he kicks me, it feels like he is in there saying, "It is alright, I'm here Mommy."

19 Week Update

How far along: 19 weeks(size of a mango)
Total weight gain: So I talked to my doctor and she did not seem all that worried. She even went as far to tell me maybe the person weighing me last time wrote down the wrong number and it should have said 198 instead of 188. I know I saw the right number but whatever. If she is not worried than I will not be worried. She is going to schedule my glucose test at the next appointment and she said if that is fine then there is no problem. So total weight gain is 23 pounds.
Maternity clothes: Yes...haha.
Stretch marks: *sigh* yeah they are there right on either side of my belly button.
Sleep: I have been having a harder time getting comfortable. If I try and lay on my back, the pressure in my uterus makes it super uncomfortable, but if I lay on my side, my arms that is on the bed goes numb and I wake up in extreme pain. Still getting up around 2\3am to pee.
Best moment of this week: Taking gender reveal pictures with my mom and Kevin.
Aches\Pains: Yes. Oh my gosh, I have had a horrible time getting comfortable at work also. I sit in those nice orthopedic chairs and my back still starts hurting. So then I move into a different position and feel like I am smushing baby.  I know I am not but it is not any more comfortable than if I was.
Miss anything: Nope.
Movement: He has some days where he is all over the place and others where I feel him move maybe once.
Food cravings: Eh...not really.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope.
Have you started to show yet: Definitely.
Gender: Baby boy
Belly button in or out: In.
Wedding rings on or off:  Necklace.
Happy or moody most of the time: My emotions are doing pretty well. I have my cranky moments but I know it could be worse.
Looking forward to: My anatomy ultrasound on April 14th. I want to know that he is healthy.

18 Week Update

How far along: 18 weeks(size of a sweet potato)
Total weight gain: I got weighed for something else two days ago and was over 200 again so I need to talk to my doctor on Monday(the 7th) about why my weight is going up and down so much.
Maternity clothes: Loving my new maternity clothes I talked about last week.
Stretch marks: Yeah either I have new stretch marks or the old ones are growing tremendously on either side of my belly button.
Sleep: I wake up around two or three every morning to pee. Other than that(and weird freaky dreams) I sleep well.
Best moment of this week: Alright, so last Wednsday I decided to walk into a tree on my way to work. Like, when I say walk into I really mean smash my head into the lowest limb possible. Well each day that passed my head felt worse and worse until I started having hallucinations and getting so sleepy I would fall asleep and sleep all day. So the day of J's funeral(Friday) after everything was done with, I decided to go to the ER just to get checked out because baby still had not moved since the day after J passed away. So Kevin(bless his heart) went and sat in the ER with me ALL DAY. We went at around 1 and him and my mom who later came, stayed until 1 in the morning. I ended up being admitted because they did a CT on me and the doctor found "something" that made him nervous with my mom's history of anurisms. And I guess one of my pupils was bigger than the other. So he admitted me for the night so they could do a MRI and get a deeper look. Anyway, I stayed the night and got the MRI and everything was fine in the end. Anyway, my point of telling you this was that they did the ultrasound to make sure baby was fine. First of all my child has it's fathers sense of humor because all that was "wrong" was that it had moved farther back so that I could no longer feel it move. As soon as the picture came on the screen, baby gave me a nice little punch and started dancing around. And every day since then, it has been moving so that I could feel it. So yeah, really funny kid. Second of all,  the ultrasound tech knew about how much that day had sucked and so she decided to "accidently" look between its legs and said if baby decided to show itself then she would tell me. Well baby gave me a break and spread it's legs wide open to show me. Then the lady felt so bad about how sad Kevin looked when she told him he could not come, she actually went and got him and  showed him the gender so he could find out also.
Miss anything: Nope.
Movement: Yeah we are fine on that. Poor Kevin wants to feel baby cub so badly but is never able. Baby moves either when I am at work or at 2 in the morning when Kevin is sleeping.
Food cravings: Hmmm...I saw someone eating hot fries yesterday and really wanted to take it from them. But I refrained from it.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope.
Have you started to show yet: Oh yeah.
Gender: Remember when I said our kid had a sense of humor? Well... HE does.
Belly button in or out: In.
Happy or moody most of the time: Emotions wise I have been alright. Still really sad but this baby gives me something to be so happy about.

Looking forward to: Seeing him again at our Anatomy Scan in a few weeks.