When Normal Doesn't Feel Normal Anymore Part 2

     I thought I would update on how I am doing with my Postpartum Depression since it has been quite awhile since I last spoke about it. I am still currently on my prescribed meds and I honestly am not sure when I will get off. I have come to the realization that I have to be very strict about taking them at the correct time every single day. On the couple days I let the time slide, even by a couple hours, my entire day has been bad. When I do not take my meds, I feel like I am right back where I started. Kevin and I always spend the day arguing because I try to pick fights with him. Why? Because I can. Then I cry because we are fighting. Then the anxiety lasts for a couple days, even if the next day I take my meds on time. Plus I get these horrendous migraines on top of all the other symptioms. So basically, it is just easier to take my meds at the correct time.

     It is a scary thing to realize how much I need these meds because I really don't want to be on them for the rest of my life, but I am scared to not be on them and feel all the horrible things I feel when I am not on them. Yet as much as the meds help me, they do cause some symptoms that are almost worse than if I am not on them. I constantly have such a "foggy mind", it makes me feel so stupid. I have to think extra hard about everything and it is extremely hard to concentrate. I also have a terrible memory now. I got married in December, since then I have lost my ring no less than 8 times. I get to work and clock in and by the time I get to my desk, I can not remember if I clocked in or not. I have trouble having a conversation because I will lose my train of thought easily. Luckily I have not had any major things happen such as not remember where I live or forget I have work that day. But even though it is not as bad as it could be, it is still frustrating.


     Basically, I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I stay on the meds, my brain does not work. If I get off the meds, my brain is wacked out on overdrive. I am almost to the end of my prescription so we will see if my doctor decided to renew it or not. I guess that will be the deciding factor for me.