When Normal Doesn't Feel Normal Anymore Part 2

     I thought I would update on how I am doing with my Postpartum Depression since it has been quite awhile since I last spoke about it. I am still currently on my prescribed meds and I honestly am not sure when I will get off. I have come to the realization that I have to be very strict about taking them at the correct time every single day. On the couple days I let the time slide, even by a couple hours, my entire day has been bad. When I do not take my meds, I feel like I am right back where I started. Kevin and I always spend the day arguing because I try to pick fights with him. Why? Because I can. Then I cry because we are fighting. Then the anxiety lasts for a couple days, even if the next day I take my meds on time. Plus I get these horrendous migraines on top of all the other symptioms. So basically, it is just easier to take my meds at the correct time.

     It is a scary thing to realize how much I need these meds because I really don't want to be on them for the rest of my life, but I am scared to not be on them and feel all the horrible things I feel when I am not on them. Yet as much as the meds help me, they do cause some symptoms that are almost worse than if I am not on them. I constantly have such a "foggy mind", it makes me feel so stupid. I have to think extra hard about everything and it is extremely hard to concentrate. I also have a terrible memory now. I got married in December, since then I have lost my ring no less than 8 times. I get to work and clock in and by the time I get to my desk, I can not remember if I clocked in or not. I have trouble having a conversation because I will lose my train of thought easily. Luckily I have not had any major things happen such as not remember where I live or forget I have work that day. But even though it is not as bad as it could be, it is still frustrating.


     Basically, I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I stay on the meds, my brain does not work. If I get off the meds, my brain is wacked out on overdrive. I am almost to the end of my prescription so we will see if my doctor decided to renew it or not. I guess that will be the deciding factor for me.

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Landon's Six Month Update

Landon...Yeesh where do I even began?  Baby Landon is becoming quite the big boy. Or atleast he thinks he is.

 

Personality

This kid is funny. I knew he would be. He does this eyebrow thing that will crack you up. It is like he is trying to flirt with you, and it gets all the ladies attention. When you talk to him, he will either stare you down or smile. You never know what you will get. He has learned to bounce himself in his bouncy chair so at any given time you can look at him and he is bouncing really hard, using his arms to propel himself. He gets going really fast too. It is his own personal trampoline and he thinks he is so cool when he does it. For some reason when he is thirsty he will fake cough. It is the only time he does it. He yells at Max when Max refuses to talk to him. Max thinks our puppy is way too loud and is somewhat scared of it. Our puppy tries to poke him in the eye and laugh. Landon loves to talk/sing as he falls asleep and it is the most precious thing. He also loves to fart and copy his daddy's sneezes. Seriously, the farts though. Stinky little
 butt he has.

Growth

At his doctors appointment on March 3rd he was 17.8 pounds and 25.5 inches.

 

 

Milestones

Baby cub can roll over(both ways). He has started to attempt to get on all fours, but even now can somehow inch his way places. Just the other day I looked down and he was sitting up with no support. I was so excited and Kevin said he had been doing that for a couple days. What?!?!? I instantly took a picture. Landon just stared at me like I was overreacting. He has really gotten into his toys as well. Before he would just kind of hold them and that was it. Now he seems to prefer certain ones and will actually sit there and play with them all. It is really cute to watch.  Right before he turned six months I touched his gums and there was a tiny little razorblade coming through his gums. So...yeah...that is always fun.

 

 

Eating Habits

Landon had been on cereals since 5 months(we skipped rice and did oatmeal, multigrain, and then whole wheat. He loved oatmeal. Liked whole wheat. And tolerated multigrain.  Once he turned 6 months we started him on peas which he was NOT a fan of. I gave him a slice of avocado to munch on and he was in love with it so I mashed it into his peas and then he ate all his peas. So I guess he is a fan of avocados. Kevin does not like avocados at all so Landon must have gotten that from me. Yay!

Sleep Habits

He origionally was sleeping with us but we got a full size bed and the space was not going to work with the three of us. I ended up on the edge of the bed and was not sleeping well. Landon refused to sleep in the pack and play that we had next to the bed(apparently I hated it as a baby as well) so I thought maybe the crib would work. Kevin had to take the doors off the hinges and the crib apart, but he managed to get the crib in our room. The first night I put him in it, he slept in it fine. Since we have brought the crib into our room, he has only slept out of it one night and that was within the first week and was because I fell asleep with him. Other than that, he has slept in his crib all night every night(he occasionally wakes up during the night for a bottle) . I am so proud of him and realize I am lucky he is a good sleeper.

 

 

Favorite Things

His toys, especially his baby olaf I got him. Sucking his fingers. Taking selfies. Pretending he is on mommy's computer when she is.(He sticks his little hand on the bottom of the keyboard and thinks he is moving the finger mousepad like I do) and going on walks.

 

 

NOT Favorite Things

Landon does not like my hysterical laugh. The laugh I do when I think something is hilarious. I think it is because he thinks I am crying or something. He is fine with my normal laugh. But if I laugh like something is hilarious, he gets a pouty lip and starts crying. He also hates to be cold( he has never liked it).

 

 

Words

I swear Landon can say Hi and Mum. 

A Long Awaited Day

I know! I know! I have completely slacked at coming here to write. I officially get the "sucky blogger" award. I truly don't know what happened. One day I was going to write a post and got busy. And then BOOM, it occurs to me that the last update I wrote for Landon was his two month update. Yikes! I have really let some time past. But do not fret dear readers, I am going to catch you all up in due time. So...

I am officially Mrs. Ellis. I know, right? About freaking time! We got married on December 20th, 2014.  It was a day that both was amazing and still irks me to think about. It was amazing because, of course I was marrying my best friend and no matter what that is what matters most in the end. But it irks me because of the 50 or so people that were invites, I can count the people that showed up on about 1 and a half hands. I was very upset at the amount of people who told me they were coming and then either cancelled the day off or just simply left me watching the door for them. The people who did show up were amazing and tried to make me feel better so I am thankful for them. It just really upset me because I had made this big deal about 50 people coming so my mom and everyone bought all this amazing food and made an amazing cake and I had made all these decorations and guest book and christmas themed EVERYTHING and then we are all sitting there waiting.
 The same thing happened at my baby shower and so this time, it really pissed me off that this was happening again. At one point, Kevin tried to start our first dance and I completely shunned him in front of everyone and hurt his feelings. I still feel extremely guilty for that. I just was really upset and did not realize what he was doing. 

But this post isn't supposed to be a sad one. Even though many people decided we were not worth showing up. A select few of the invited decided we were and they were the ones who made up for the rest. A couple things were not doable because of the amount of people, but for the most part we worked with what we had. L and N got to keep most of our party favors and they were not complaining at all. Our cake looked AWESOME and we got to keep the cute toppers which are now in our house. I had a beautiful dress, even though it was two sizes too big and kept falling off of me. After our reception, my mom and her new boyfriend D(now her fiance!) bought us a room at a local hotel. So we went there and had a fun night of drinks, a buffet, and just all around fun roaming the casino. It was a really great night.

Do I wish that more people had shown up to the wedding? Yes. But what matters most is that I married the man I love. I realize that the wedding was only one day. Whether it was great or whether it was not so great, it is over and for the future all that matters is how great my marriage is. We can always renew our vows but our focus is more towards a solid marriage and keeping our family strong and loving. Even through the tears that day, there were happy tears as I saw him standing in front of me reciting his vows. He is the love of my life and now my husband. And at the end of the day, that is what matters most. Not the amount of people who were there to see it.

I tried to add some pictures to this post , but for some reason everything I try to do to add pictures does not work at all so if this post does not have pictures, I apologize.